zip a dee doo dah

there's a certain magical quality in disney songs. i remember listening to Cinderella and Dumbo story cassette tapes, singing gaily to bibbidi bobbidi boo and indulge in the fantasy worlds they transport me to. it's surreal.

walt disney is an absolute genius. he made my childhood dreams come true. he convinced me that there is enough reason to believe in mermaids, talking lions, and dancing spoons and clocks. especially the part where the princess and prince live happily ever after. even tho in reality pple are decapitating each other by the minute.

i guard my disney story books and encyclopedias fiercely. no way am i gonna let my dirty, gooey, messy baby cousins destroy my prized possessions which made me a tad smarter than evryone else who didn't have personal disney characters telling em bout the origins of hanukkah, socrates and the drama soap opera antics of greek gods.

'did you knoe that baja california is not in usa but in mexico? hah! minnie mouse told me so.'

they're gonna be my family heirlooms i tell ya. i hope there's no legal tussle over who gets to keep wat between me and my sister. hopefully she'll give them all up to me.

even though disney's all fiction and make-believe, i'd still like to believe that When you wish upon a star, it makes no difference who you are, cos anything your heart desires will come to you. (ha ha)

somehow it's easier to accept the world we're living in that way. hakuna matata my dahlings.

**

it's no surprise that i really detest wet gloomy weather. dampens my mood completely. rain never appealed to me. needless to say i cannot for the life of me understand why some poetic souls would love to sing and dance in the rain, feel the pitterpatter drops on their faces and breathe in the fresh crisp air of the world that's been washed clean after april showers.

right. so maybe that's why they relish the rain. hah.

give me bright sunshine please. i'd prefer not having to wet my meticulously waxed hair and step in sloshy mud. makes me much happier anyway.

the victory is ours

when Life feels like a neverending tunnel full of uncertainty and oppressive darkness, remember that sometimes we need to be a lil lost before finding the light at the end of it all.

u can lose faith and admit defeat,

or

choose to believe that things will change for the better.

cos when u feel like u really cannot try to stay afloat anymore, it's always the time when Hope is just around the corner and waiting for you to hang on a while more.

don't let disappointment and weariness deceive you, my friend. hold on just a lil longer. because it is worth the effort.

**

i regret havin said those bitter words in my previous entries. cos i wasn't patient enough to trust God that He'll make the situation better. but i shan't delete em so that they'll serve as reminders for me to always have hope.

tomorrow i can start afresh. it is a promise i claim.

i still love johnny depp

it is morning and i am still feelin effed up. there's school tmr and i hate it. repulses me to the very core of me bones. if i had my way i'd view the lectures and tutorials over the internet so as to minimise all human contact.

funny how i'm so affected by how pple, esp frens, are rubbin me the wrong way. i could be imagining things but wtf, it still bothers me and the familiar hatred-as-my-ammo trick is really tempting right now.

snarl. if u want to throw accusations, please throw em in my face. or begone, forever.

sigh.

so it began with me feelin all effed up for the night and it's kinda silly to be in sucha shitass mood but i'm not exactly sure why too so it's okay no need to ponder upon the source of my bewildering despondence and since i already knew wat would cheer me up instantly i googled the world wide web and tadah here it is : my darlin johnny depp.

the stuff that my wildest dreams are made of. they sure don make such fine species of men anymore these days.



i want my don juan de marco 

a crazy lil thing called love

they don't write love songs the way they used to anymore. instead of heartfelt lyrics that speak of eternal devotion, painful separation, wistful longing and the sort of sappy stuff we lap up like thirsty dogs when we're in the Mood (for love, that is), we get horny hiphop shit and silly lyrics like "you are my fire my one desire", "pop pop pop dat thang" etc etc that reduce love to a speed-dating sex-crazed game and girls to hoes and bitches. bah.

i feel like i'm stuck in some time-warp. when people took time to savour beautiful sunsets. when there weren't so many media sensationalisations of inane stories like Beckham and Loos.(so kaypoh). when the world wasn't so fastpaced, confusing and supported anti-sentimentalism.

at the risk of sounding like a hopeless romantic/emo shithead/lovelost idealist, i'd like to say:

"wat the world needs now is love, sweet love".

**

songs are splendid for taking me back to the time when i still watched animaniacs on sunday mornings, memorised evry chinese drama serial theme song, and pretended i was a character from enid blyton stories. those were the days when my heart was young and gayyy.

just a digression. i wonder why parents nowadays deem the radio as a useless box that spews out filthy trash. albeit they may be mostly right these days, when we have stupid deejays like daniel ong and sickeningly gay programmes like Lovesongs on class 95. i'm sorry for the degradation of the standard of songs and radio programmes. but the fact that me and my aunties are effectively bilingual is the unmistakable result of attentive listening to linguistically-competent deejays and songs with poetic, well-crafted lyrics. all the chim words have certainly added to my vocabulary repertoire.

in any case, of late i'm hooked onto 80s-early 90s love songs and megaballads by whitney houston and the likes. one particular song that is touching my wee bit heart like nobody's business is 'It Might Be You' by steven bishop.

and since i've already revealed to you the closet lurvy-durvy retard in me, i might as well be the sorriest loser of all by posting the lyrics. enjoy.

time, I've been passing time watching trains go by
all of my life
lying on the sand watching seabirds fly
wishing there could be someone
waiting home for me

something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you
All of my life

Looking back as lovers go walking past
All of my life
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
If I found the place would I recognize the face

Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you
So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to wake and there's so much love to make

I think we're gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life

awwwwww.

hoodwink

lately, when stupid people make insensitive comments, i stare meaningfully into their eyes and with all sincerity i say to them,

"don't worry, it's not the end of the world even though your friends secretly hate u cos u talk like a jackass whose brain got flushed down the toilet bowl. evrything's gonna be just f-i-n-e."

**

it's a real test, i tell u. having to face unimaginably thoughtless folks who like to dispense audacious remarks that they believe, would change the world. it's as if the basic manners we learnt e.g. Not To Speak of the Obvious, Be Considerate of Other People's Feelings, Tactfulness is the Key of Life etc etc in our hao gong min textbooks have been recklessly discarded into the bukit timah longkang by these blatantly blunt people.

u blink in disbelief at their extreme frankness, and wonder if they've watched too much of Singapore Idol and Are You HOT. and other equally rude shows which laud the virtue of 'honesty', in a very crude sense.

i refuse to tolerate such disrespect, yet can do nothing about it. i mean, how am i supposed to react? grab their heads and bang repeatedly against the wall, whilst shouting into their ears "SAY SORRY NOW! SAY SOMETHING NICE NOW!"

no i can't. that'd be inhumane. not to mention that their skulls are probably too thick and cannot be smashed anyway.

so instead of trying to conjure up vicious get-back liners or resort to violent methods to get my point across, i've decided to filter out their nasty comments, throw a condescending, i'm-way-above-ur-silly-antics look, and sashay away with a flourish.

u can't stop stupid people from acting the way they are. cos stupidity can't be cured. once a blurblock, always a blurblock and that's just how it is. now that's real sad. for them, of course.

hopefully, maybe one day they'll turn away from their foolish ways and embrace sanity. but in the meantime, they serve as pretty good reminders of how lucky the rest of us are to be normal.

**

i haven't been blogging much juicy stuff of late cos i'm going thru some life-changing experiences right now and they're rather personal. somehow i'm not comfortable with plastering the details all over netspace cos:

1. nobody really gives a damn. or understands
2. it's none of anybody's business
3. GAHH. i'm just a shy kid, okay?

perhaps one fine day when evrything is over i'll be ready to tell anonymous blog readers. but in the meantime, i shall keep the fun to myself.

revelation

freedom so sweet... u could almost taste it..

yum.

u spin me right round baby right round like a record baby

it is time to grow my hair long, wear long flowy skirts, put mascara and lipgloss religiously, stick a flower in my hair and pose under the coconut tree by the beach.

-cue cheesy saxophone music-

i got carred away. maybe i shld just wait for the hair growing to begin first. COS IT'S NOT GROWING, Y'HEAR ME. MY DAMNED HAIR IS GROWING BY THE MILLIMETRES. BAH.

as u can see, i'm having a pseudo identity crisis. i'm starting to believe wat the Stupid People always tell me. that i'm actually half a guy inside.

which leads to the next question, quite inevitably.
"but why mindy? why do they say so?" you holler in unison.

my silly pets, look at the obvious, like how the Stupid People did. lemme point them out to you.

1. short spiky hair
2. pimply, foundation-free face. no rosy cheeks fer me.
3. big build. strong. scary.
4. gruff, rough, tough

tadah! all the essential aspects of a she-male. plus the additional bit that my period hasn't come yet this month, i guess it's finally happening. i am entering the last stage of my metamorphosis into a fullfledged she-male. the onli proof of my female ninny past would be the glaring gender status on my identity card. now i'd have a problem gettin across airport customs.

**

yeah, u wish.

u wish all of that would happen, didn't u, u Stupid People.

you, who take pple at face-value and indulge in Stupid banter bout how i shld opt for sex change since i'm already 'half-a-guy-anyway'. and you think u're oh-so-amusing.

you, who try to brainwash me into thinking that i'm less-than-a-girl. because i'm assertive and i 'talk so fiercely leh'. oops, i'm sorry i scared you! doh.

you, you, you. you can eat horseshit.

**

i'd be an utter retard if my entire being starts to crumble into flaky bits right now and shower upon Singapore like snow. or if i begin to whine and sob convincingly as i attempt to declare myself as a redhotbloodedwoman thankewverymuch.

nooooo.

i'd simply wait for my hair to grow long, dye it a brilliant golden brown, and whip it across your faces so you can eat my pantene-scented girlygirlgirl hair. hah! bet u thought my hair couldn't grow because of too much hair wax deposits clogging my follicles eh?

since you want Hair, i'll give you Hair!

so at the end of the day, wat makes a female female is all in the Hair. ah. now i geddit. ladies, we can chuck away the razors, hair removal creams and epilators already. let's start growing out our armpit hair, leg hair and moustaches! since the Stupid People like hair so much. we can even tie pretty red ribbons on our flowing locks.

it'd be so much fun, innit? -bats eyelashes prettily-

a hard day's night

ACT I SCENE I : pediatrics clinic at NUH. awaiting for PBL tutor

mr X : eh ur old hair looks more presentable. more feminine. look at you now, u're a butch lor

me : i prefer shorter hair lah. and so are u trying to say that halle berry and sharon stone are butches as well??

mr X : well, not if u have BIG BOOBS like them

me: !!!

mr A,B,C : okay lah okay lah stop it stop it
-gestures frantically to mr X-

me: so u're an MCP aren't you. a bloody MCP

mr X: yeah. my gf says so also. hah

me: well i respect MCPs. just that i won't get to see you
in heaven, that's all.

**

TAMADE. i have very rude classmates.

:)

i've got sunshine on a cloudy day
when it's cold outside I've got the month of May
i guess you'd say
what can make me feel this way?
my girl talkin bout my girl

i've got so much honey the bees envy me
i've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees
i guess you'd say
what can make me feel this way?
my girl talkin bout my girl

i don't need no money, fortune, or fame
i've got all the riches baby one man can claim
i guess you'd say
what can make me feel this way?
my girl talkin' 'bout my girl

ladida dum dee dee dum..

chiclets

i can't breathe.
my tummy hurts.
i feel like puking.
my nose is blocked.
i am gonna faint.
my head is pounding.
i had har gao for dinner.

bahh. like u really care.

my beloved mad monster party

keep dreaming of livin it up at my new place. a stone's throw away from school, good eating places, west coast park, and a spankin macdonalds just across the street. and, imagine the amount of gym fees and travelling time saved now that i can work out at the gym and swimming pool a few storeys below!

just the kind of lifestyle the condominium commercials enticed the hdb dwellers with.

(but really, a condo is so much smaller than a hdb unit. the security guard is always sleeping. and noone ever uses the pool or gym. so i wonder when does the exclusivity and high-class factor comes into the picture. just a few blocks of residential buildings with a garden and a fence, that's all.)

it's not that we're wealthy or anything, but more like it's a well-deserved reward for my parents who've been slogging all their lives and saving up moolah for their retirement. and so, the new place can be called a retirement home for them.

even tho evryone tells me that i'll be earning big bucks once i become a fullfledged doctor, i still believe that saving up is important, and spending like an obnoxious upstart is silly. just lookin at those young executives splurging on cars and condos on bank loans and credit for sake of showing off is simply revolting. wat a warped spending attitude.

on a lighter note, am very excited at the prospect of learning roller-blading at the deserted west coast park. it's been such a drag that i can't cycle, so i have to make up for my disability by learning how to blade. if anyone of you out there happen to be a nice blading pro, kindly take me in as a student.

**

have booked my Tiger airline tickets for bangkok in dec! whoopee.

daytripper

i whined bout having a fever today. and felt utterly useless after doing so.

**

whining is pointless. whining is a sign of weakness. whining is degrading cos u're askin for some TLC from other people and that shows how needy u really are.

at least that's the mantra i repeat to myself all the time. 'don't be a ninny. don't whine.'

some frens like to whine and rant to me. they like to cry on my shoulders and have me mother them and see to their needs. it's all very good really. cos i feel useful and being able to take care of someone is just splendid.

but sometimes, i'd like to be a petulant child, wanting someone to sayang me too.

unfortunately, the act-tough side of me flares up evry single time i even utter a word of whininess, chiding me to shut the crap up and deal with my problems rationally by myself. 'be an independent woman,' this voice says in my head. 'don't smother people with your insignificant problems.'

or during my monthly hormonal surges, i'd vent my pent-up frustrations at home to my family. it's cruel to be a complete asshole to them. i take them for granted. but they're the only people in the whole wide world who'll tolerate my childish nonsense. they allow me to behave like a spoilt brat. a side of me that i'll never display in front of my frens.

a eldest-child syndrome, i believe. and the younger sib is always long-suffering. (sorry honkers)

sorry mom.
sorry dad.
i've been a bitch.

am i digressing? perhaps.

but wat i wanted to say (or rather, wat i don't even know wat i'm trying to say), is that i've decided that i shall whine to God alone. cos His heart is big enough not to judge me. He can listen to me go on and on without running out of patience. He's only a prayer away, and is always ready to hear me out.

**

and at the end of it, i'd realise that there isn't anything really worth whining about in Life afterall. cos there's always a way out of a difficult situation (be it physical or emotional), and we never stick around long enough in patient silence and trusting hope to see it happening before letting loose hasty words of frustration.

blueberry hill

yesterday's sorta like a holiday for me. lectures cancelled so i trooped down town to meet the girls for some jalan and makan. makan we did. makan was good.

we weren't able to watch the Three Extremes cos it's R-21. a terrible feeling of being impaired and helpless, i must say. kadults (kid + adult = kadult) have no rights. we're allowed to view images of horrifying terrorist attacks, catch transvestites in action at orchard towers, and expose ourselves to dangers of jaywalking. but we can't even watch a scary movie which is obviously pure fiction. of course we know that.

men are scarier than ghouls and trolls and human-flesh dumplings, in my opinion. there are robbers out there who plunder the elderly. molestors who fondle little kids. horrid teachers who throw workbooks out of the window in primary schools. why can't we be protected from all these? these are real dangers in reality, y'knoe.

**

as i grow older, my taste in music has evolved as well. no longer am i into the new stuff they play on radio and all. the beatles, the hollies, elton john, jackson 5, bread, and so forth. (sappy me, innit) give me the oldies anytime.

pennylane burnt me a smashing mixtape. please pennylane, could i have another one?

just slow down the beats, turn down the bass, give it a nice swing, and transport me back to the good ol days when people still wrote love letters, farrah fawcett hair was very 'in', and Time passed by at a languid pace. and dancing parties were very cute.

somehow, the simply joys of life didn't seem so elusive back then.

**

malaise has conquered me. o the shame.

la vie en rose

when you pop a mentos/tictac/insert-freshmint-of-choice in your mouth to delude yourself that fresh breath = clean teeth, you know you're too damned lazy.

**

online shopping may be the next best thing to bargain grabs at chatuchak market. just search for the item that you so-wanted to get last time but couldn't cos it was sold out, and you'll probably find it online, used only a few times and selling at a much cheaper price.

exhilarating stuff indeed. you can hardly imagine my ecstasy when i found a brand new zara bag online selling for 40 bucks when the original price was 70. and it arrived with the price tag. or the rare B-side compilation cd with lovely songs by the charlatans, seahorses etc. for only 3 bucks.

u can find evrything and anything online at discounted rates. baby prams, handphones, contact lens, lingerie. best of all, imported abercrombie & fitch and hollister apparel! -goes into a frenzy-

the most fun part of online shopping must be the bidding process. was helping my sister to compete with 3 other bidders for a cd auction deal the other day, and the adrenaline rush i got when i bidded at the very last minute (seconds before the auction deal closed) and won the auction was equivalent to that of downing 12 vodka shots in a row. or skydiving. SHIOK would be most apt.

**

did you know that an american housewife set up the whole Ebay business and is now a multi-millionaire?

**

now if you'll excuse me i'm off to monitor my most recent item of interest.

set adrift on memory bliss

no thought-provokin entries for now. no inspiration, no experience, no-nothing.

**

moving on from a terribly busy week to another terribly busy weekend. school has been absolutely mundane. many classmates have lost a drastic amount of weight. i am sick with envy.

**

the male species have a funnily keen sense of creating much embarrassment out of a little blunder. the same thing can happen with a girl, and we'd just laugh it off. but with a guy, it's an eternal walk down the hall of shame. do they forget bout it as soon as i do? then we'll prob never forget bout it at all.

**

i don't like to say hi to people whom i have ambiguous relationships with.

**

friends who go thru mood swings induce similar mood swings in me too. imitative effect, perhaps. i need to be more resilient.

**

i'm going to be 21 next year. a full-fledged grown-up woman, with perfectly functioning ovaries and mammaries. at the prime of my youth and health.

maybe it's time to do some family planning. so where can i obtain an adoption form?

**

when i'm an old spinster, with nothing to my name save for a spankin east coast penthouse, a shiny maserati convertible, and a plastic surgery clinic, all i need is a handsome pooch to be my companion for the rest of my days. no tiny whiny dogs which look stupid, yelp all day, and are weak enough to be crushed with a flick of my digits.

i don't want to be all alone in my house. some form of life has to exist besides me, for emotional comfort. and i'm not talkin bout some cactus plant or goldfish with short-term memory.

**

my insecurities get the best of me sometimes. when they do, i become all tired and withdrawn and anti-social. then noone will bother me and i get away with evrything.

**

it's hard, to stick to promises.

dusty springfield

"the best defence is an honest life."
- horatio (CSI Miami)

forget about cheesy pick-up lines. this is one guy who can charm any woman with his dazzling one-liners of sheer wit and wisdom.

touche.