a while ago, i was lamenting together with my ex-tutorial mate about our boring holidays. the conversation was going pretty much smoothly until i asked him what exactly did he do during the hols. and he replied :

"oh, i went to switzerland and italy."

damn. i didn't even make it to batam.

nevertheless, i still enjoyed the short break while it lasted. especially with my family at our new place.

call me a mountain tortoise, but i am still uncomfortable with upgrading from an HDB to a condo. so many people helping me to keep my place clean, make sure it's safe, even down to planting palm trees to create the "Miami" atmosphere (it's ok lallang plants will do this is Singapore). every morning i wake up and cannot recognize where i am. cannot believe that i am so blessed to be living here.

i am a trueblue heartlander indeed. *mental note to treat my security guards and cleaners well.

really love my new place. it's like a resort and i never want to leave. just that i'm a lil sad that i haven't got to enjoy it with my sis yet. cos she's such a busy body. busy bee, play with me.

and school starts tmr already. o wells

Democracy is a fallacy. taking power from authoritarian rule and putting it into the hands of a cabinet of ministers elected by the people is essentially nothing but a waste of time. it's clear that Singapore is still sticking to its communist roots, despite claiming to be a free nation all these years.

Do you really hear us, PAP? how can you pursue your selfish plan of building the infernal casinos without even paying any attention to the social uproar (despite it being a small one as compared to the fierce protests in China)? and you dare ask us to cooperate with you to make casinos a success.

as a supposed vibrant and unique society, you'd expect a flurry of revolutionary voices of somesort as a result of such a unexpected move from the government. afterall, all the big cities have their own little movements every now and then. but unfortunately, judging from the typical "i dunno lor watever lor" ambivalent response towards the casino issue from any typical fellow on the street, you can't exactly expect us to valiantly overthrow PAP with our powerful votes during the next elections. afterall, we really dunno lei. even about what we want for our future.

then again, perhaps we're just really obedient people. we just know how to behave ourselves. think chee soon juan and you'd know better than to openly go against the gah-ment. especially when mr LKY is still around.

maybe we need a Che Guevara of our own. to awaken our repressed states. to make sure that we're still alive and have thinking minds of our own. to remind us that PAP, like any other parent, must acknowledge our opinions for once.

or maybe we just need a suicide bombing attack to thwart this whole insane affair. let the exciting times begin.

perhaps the best way to fight it is to concede defeat first.

whatever u wanna say, ok lor.
whatever u wanna do, ok lor.
whatever u wanna think, ok lor.

ok lor ok i give up u win.

the biggest test of Life seems to be the test of Faith. what is Faith? Faith is the undying belief in the Hope that everything is under control. It is about knowing that even though u cannot foresee what will happen in the future, you are sure that nothing will shake your inner being. and despite what had happened in the past, it will not deter you from having confidence what lies at the end of the road.

Faith, in essence, is a false concept if God is not in the picture. Who holds your past, present and future? Who purposefully arranged for every single detail of our life to occur in such a complex and mysterious way? Who is the source of everlasting peace and security?

Only your Maker can give you all the answers. Yet, being God who has infinite wisdom, He does not reveal them all the time - because He is God. Sometimes, Life seems to be so unfair and ridiculous that we lose the confidence in running this race. When inexplicable misfortunes befall upon us, we feel that we don't deserve for them to happen to us.

and everybody feels that way, one time or the other. then again, there is no reason why we should believe that we only deserve a smooth-sailing life too.

i can only say that i will choose to believe that God preordained every event in my life, good or bad, in order to make me grow - simply because He loves me. the harder and drier the soil a seed is sown into, the longer and deeper the roots will grow. i refuse to bow down to shit that happens, because i am determined to pass every challenge set before me with flying colours. and this is a choice.

there will be times that i will want to give up, because i am only human and am weak. but during these times of despair and bitterness, since i have nothing else to hold on to, i will cry out to God for help.

and Waiting is mandatory too. God promises to help and He will - just that He did not specify the exact time. if He thinks that we need to learn how to trust Him, He will let us wait. not out of malice of course, but out of Love.

this concept of Tough Love is one that only parents will understand. the difference is that God is not insecure in who He is. human beings will probably relent and attend to their wailing children after 5 minutes for fear that the latter will start to hate them - but not God. He gave us the freedom of will and allows us to make choices. thus He loves us enough to allow us to either wait for Him, or walk off and find our own way. He wants us to choose Him willingly.

But what about sadness, anxiety and fear that inevitably seeps in as the going gets tough? the negative feelings that creep into your heart, binds your soul and cripples you? in short, they are lies that deceive your better judgement. you start to believe that you can never get out of the rut, or that things will never change.

but that's not the truth. Change comes only when you move on. so reject these emotions (by brute force!), because they are useless and will only serve to drag you down further. "think happy thoughts" seems like a cliche, but think about them long enough, positivity will start to fill you up. cos although Life is tough, there are moments of grace and joy too.

Happiness is fleeting, but only Faith is constant. so choose to gain Faith to make it to the end.

let's run this race together.

"But one thing i do, : Forgetting what is behind and straining on towards what is ahead, i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." phillipians 3:14

love. it. to. bits 

Home is a constant battlefield of neverending accusations, irresponsible remarks, careless rage and nonsensical verbal abuse.

there seems to be only 1 perpetrator. but perhaps we're all accomplices.

be prepared for more furniture-smashing. i'll get new plates

somebody tell me that the dark brown bedsheets i bought aren't a mistake. what was i thinking. oh no

frivolous i know. but i don want a giant hershey bar in my opium den.

**

2 more days!

everyday God reminds us that Time is running out. and i never really saw that in my own myopic little world filled with obsessions of the next test i need to pass, that new skirt i gotta buy, the every other person who had hurt my feelings.

all of sudden, panic is setting in. the urgency of the hour is pressing. everything else seems unimportant compared to the purpose i was put on earth for.

surely there is more to Life than just me, myself and i. and now i catch a glimpse of what it truly means to be God's child.

where's my pan pizza?

apparently, a great number of my classmates have already made a beeline to buy their textbooks for next year, within the 1st few days after our final year exams.

err.. ok.

i woke up early the day after my last paper and made a beeline to town, and spent 5 hours scouring for new clothes.

now you see where my priorities lie. i'll probably end up like that female aesthetics surgeon featured on sunday times, georgina somethin. indeed, the world is a sad place if there isn't new spiffy garb to wear.

my new room is gorgeous! like the opium den i've always dreamed of.

it's the exams tomorrow.
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YAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

geez. i dunno wat to say about my first clinical grouping. then again i wonder why they bother to group us before our exams have even started cos are they so sure we're all gonna make it to year 3?

no matter.

so here's the deal:

1 super sticky couple
3 guys who sleep thru lectures

and inky, xuannie, me.

i've a feelin it'll stay that way, the segregation of the subgroups. and we're supposed to choose a leader by next week? fat chance.