someday we'll know

i am very upset.

to find myself surrounded by classmates who find it perfectly legitimate for them to guffaw when the professor explains certain medical conditions during lectures has been exceedingly perplexing and disturbing.

i cannot for the life of me comprehend wat is so funny about an elderly man comin in with blood in his stools, or that he has had his entire colon resected, including his anus. -insert giggle- or that he cannot defecate and will have to empty his intestinal contents into a pouch that hangs out from his body. -insert haha-

sure, the jesting is behind closed doors and the patient in question would probably never hear of it anyway. but wat starts as a small affair can easily develop into a hardening of the heart and insensitivity towards the feelings of other people. and as future healthcare workers, that would be the most dreaded atittude that we want to acquire in the course of our work.

the patient is suffering. and it is no laughing matter. the least respect we can give them is to regard their conditions with due solemnity and be thankful that we are able to learn and help them. it is an honour and privilege, not wat we deserve just because we are able to meet the entry requirements.

besides, that patient could easily be your loved one. and when that happens, you wouldn't like ur colleagues to discuss it in jocularity as 'just another case', would you.

popular mechanics for lovers

now i have to admit that i've always been rather skeptical towards bloomin relationships within the same faculty/class/orientation group/watever. u get my drift.

to me, it's more like a relationship of convenience and circumstance. true enough, Fate does play a part in bringing two strangers together in the first place, and mutual attraction doesn't come along all the time. but it's like, of course it's easy to maintain the bond when u can eat, study, sleep, play, walk, run, hop, sing etc etc together when the whole day is spent in school anyway.

and the most baffling thing is, some of them drop their ex-bf/gf like a hot potato once they hook up with someone new in the class. despite the previous relationship being a tumultuous, longsuffering, painstaking, ridiculous 4 long years one. love stands true against all odds, indeed.

somehow the cynic in me just wanna challenge these "sticky" couples who literally traipse evrywhere together. wat do you think will happen if ur bf/gf decides to quit university and sets off to work? or that something drastic happens that totally turns ur world upside down. which isn't exactly possible, since weird stuff happen each and evry day. it's only right not to take ur safety zone for granted.

perhaps sometimes it's best not to hold on so strongly to the physical presence of your significant other because wat good can possibly come out of such dependence anyway? yes it is true. u can watch a movie alone u knoe. bet you forgot all about ur independence as an individual after the months and years of being the other half of a pair of siamese twins huh.

besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder anyway (blah blah u knoe), and with the upcoming transitions towards fullfledged adulthood, working life (welcome to the Real World), ectopic pregnancies and so forth, a lil test to check if the relationship is well in order wouldn't make that much a dent innit. unless you have much to fear, of course.

in any case, God bless u, all my couple friends out there. i knoe it never is easy, cos i've been there myself. and i've learnt that injecting some rationality into a somewhat illogical affair called Love is always beneficial. just hope you guys work it out in the long run. it's always worth a try.

**

apart from being a seemingly superfluous feel-good unrealistic rich kid drama (which i still totally adore!), the OC has some pretty smashing songs on its soundtrack.

His eyes are on the sparrow. and on you too, of course

perhaps it is easier to deal with Pain by making peace with it. acknowledging our helplessness amidst the turmoil that we can't seem to untangle by ourselves. thank God even for the worst of the worst. and that He is still, in control.

giving up would be such a waste, isn't it?

Life is really, all about making choices. it is too, a choice, to have hope.

wonka's whipple-scrumptious fudgemallow delight

somehow my mind is constantly away in the land of far far away wherever i am these days. i lose patience with my current activity and yearn to begin on another one almost immediately, yet find myself in the same cycle of restlessness and lethargy.

i could do with a healthy dose of focus and self-control. then again, wat's the point. it's the end of the year and the holidays are a-nearin. nobody really cares if i waste myself to death with decadence and hedonism anyway. and they shouldn't too.

perhaps i was doin something right all along. guilt-free living is the only way to go. allow my conscience to take a vacation and bend the rules a lil. maybe break a few hearts along the way. o wat the heck.

**

i'm bewildered at the flurry of haste and gnawing anxiety in most of my classmates regarding clinical groupings. i think they think too much. but i reckon i'm being ignorant and lazy as well. have no idea that one should take into consideration factors like whether ur group mates live near you, if they drive, if they're the offspring of manchurian emperors, if they rear tigers for pets etc etc and other assorted reasons.

really, the fuss is uncalled for in my opinion. people change, so do circumstances. doesn't mean that u should take the easy way out by selecting the seemingly more 'competent' ones and forgo the opportunity to discover another side of the friends u hang out with now.

besides, choosing those whom you can have a good working relationship invariably means that you'll not be havin much fun with him/her after school hours. but hey, if school spells fun to you, then it's all cool i suppose.

my point is, stick to those whom you're familiar with if you defend ur safety zone ferociously and is inept with social skills like me. or be adventurous and just allow the powers of randomisation to determine ur future playmates in hospitals. and if ur best friend points her nasty lil finger at you, accusing you of being a traitor and wails hysterically 'i'm not gonna friend you anymore!' if you don't choose her as ur group member, then just call up the animal shelter for help.

see, things are really quite simple.

**

people are so kind these days. they come up to ur unit and sell u lovely ice-creams in a bid to fatten you up for slaughter. bah.

viva la revolution

the thing about camps is that my bowel habits are always disrupted due to the sheer unfamiliarity of the pooping environment and the compelling urge to ignore my natural instincts to run to the loo, for fear of missing out on the action-packed camp activities. it makes me a quite grumpy person indeed, and my burgeoning tummy has since stretched all the way to johore bahru. i hope it comes back soon.

apart from the horrifyingly oily food that was served (maybe it's just me. maybe the whole world is eating fried fish burgers for breakfast while i munch on hay), and my tum full of shit, the camp was simply amazing. ma always say that i'm especially angelic only after church camps. that is preposterous. of course i'll get there eventually. i mean, soon. now.

if sylvester wins singapore idol i will eat my smelly socks.

ain't no sunshine

my left little finger is officially disabled due to many days of disuse following that unfortunate kiapping incident of my left palm (of which the wound looks uncannily similar to that of a cigarette butt burn and i haven't managed to deceive anyone about it yet cos i always burst out laughing doh).

i can't even dig my orifices without my trusty little finger anymore. one fine day, the wee fellow is gonna wither and drop off i tell you.

taufik owns my heart for now. his heartwrenching renditions of al green lurrrvvee ballads makes me all starry and misty-eyed. lovely. and whaddyaknow, he lives in my neighbourhood! hoho. westmall shall be my new playground. (dammit this is lame)

off to church camp tmr and over the weekend. and did i mention going to school these days is such a drag? i'm glad i passed my patho and cofm cas.

okay bye bye.

sometimes i'm happy
sometimes i'm not
but i thank God
for this life that i've got

bad stuff will happen
i will be saddened
but i thank God
that He carries my burden

i am not perfect
i am quite weak
but i thank God
that He treasures the meek

everything changes
time will never stop
but i thank You
that You're always my God

Big P is NOT here yet. SNARL

and so i happily sat on my hand and the side of my left palm was kiapped in between some contraption of my rattan sofa and i swear the bloody dent made in my flesh was pretty astounding. i yelped in pain, bemoaned and lamented at my misfortune for quite awhile, and had my mommy put on a plaster for me while my sis washed my dirty dishes.

i'm quite a brat, ain't i.

in any case i do feel quite unlucky tonight cos not onli my palm is throbbing with an annoying pain while a pesky moth is flying around me head, i also realised that i forgot to check my pathology test results and tadah! the horrid department decided to put up our names in full. best of all, the names of the failures are bright red, underlined and in bold. o joy to the world.

i'd have preferred bright pink or purple actually. but then again, do remind me to burn down the patho office next week when the hols are over.

it's de-lovely

i admit i'm bit of a purist. an extreme, all-or-none individual.

**

if it's classical music, it cannot be 'modernized' a la vanessa mae.

if it's jazz, it'd better not be a remake by some lousy amateur a la michael buble.

if it's chocolate, i don't want any nuts/fruits in it. same goes for my ice-cream.

if it's a tv drama, it'd better not be an episode with a theme, e.g musical.

if it's a musical, no cashing-in on pop music e.g. Mamma Mia (ABBA songs for broadway? oh goodness)

if it's clothes, don give them avant-garde, superfluous details. classics will do.

if it's food, no fusion or new twists to the flavours please.

if it's holland village, please don spoil my fave surburban quiet little town with an unnecessary mrt station.

if it's skipping a particular module's lessons, i'll skip them all the way.

if it's a task, i'd do it the old-fashioned, tried-and-tested, methodical way.

if it's sexuality, either u're completely gay or completely straight. i hate in-betweens. make up your minds, dahlings.

**

the list goes on really. i'm either very regimented/boring, or i just appreciate correctness and the Real Thing.

but perhaps, i'm just resistant to change. afraid that i'd lose the familiarity and the reason why i fell in love with that something in the first place.

**

"So taunt me, and hurt me
Deceive me, desert me
I'm yours till I die
So in love with you am I.."

Big P's a-comin

this is weird but i've always been attracted to guys who are slightly bigger and heavier. not OBESE of course. but y'knoe, the rugger-type of body. with cute chubby cheeks and a nice smile. yummy.

somehow i was never turned on by six-pack abs. well, in awe of them. but never thought they were sexy. they just scream out to me "i'm the proud product of 300 situps daily and protein shakes for breakfast lunch dinner! take that!"

ugh. a jiggly tummy would do just fine. we can share orh lua together and he won't be doing bench presses as he nibbles.

the worst type of guy would be the Typical Asian Male. okay, most singaporean guys. the real skinny and lanky ones. those whom u hug and find ur arms coming right back to you. (now u can hug urself!) wat's more, they're vertically challenged too! bahh.

and i also wonder why most guys don't bother to dress up properly for school. they look like they just got outta bed and are all ready to hit the sack the moment they reach home. baggy t-shirts should be banned. no funny funny hiphop/grunge/punk style. a pair of clean pressed khaki pants and white polo tee will do just fine. no ah pek slippers please.

(as u can see i'm not really makin any important declaration on world affairs in this entry i'm being bimbotic again so u can stop reading now if u'd like.)

**

i've been absurdly ravenous for the past 48 hours or so, after my gym session on monday. despite only running for an hour, i've taken 6 hours worth of naps and copious amounts of food. heck, i was so hungry that i even woke up extra early so that i could eat breakfast. i think i fainted in my slumber.

great. so i'm tired, hungry, and still flabby after exercise. boo hoo. i'm gonna snag a samoan warrior and rear a bunch of pot-bellied children on a french polynesian island. then we could jiggle our jiggly bits as we dance round a fire on the beach. i told you i was born on the wrong continent.

u make me feel brand new

the tension's finally off my weary shoulders (or the lack of them) and it's back to the hedonistic ways of much feasting, roaming on the streets at wee hours, and insane shopping marathons. nice.

and it's time to hit the gym again, of course. was so itching for some exercise that i got dirrttyy on my knees and mopped the entire house, despite knowing that my mom had already mopped it this morning.

during the revision period these past few weeks, i did all i could to get some blood pumping. from deliberately alighting 2 busstops earlier just so i could get some exercise, to getting off at the 8th floor from the lift and climbing up to the 13th where i live. perhaps i'm really a lil crazy. i even wanna get a dog so that i have an excuse to walk it around the neighbourhood without lookin stupid traipsing about like a homeless wanderer.

it's pointless trying to convince myself that most of my frens don't work out and they're doing fine so why not join the club of Normal People who don't sweat it out on a regular basis. school's turning me into a stationary object. and now is the time to get movin.

anyway i like Al Green very much these days. nothing beats a lil old school soul to seduce the senses.

landslide

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too

poor empty egg

and so i splurged 62 bucks on 3 tops and a skirt with such maniacal glee today and skipped home in triumph as i thought to myself wat a wonderful week this has been, considering i sold almost 70 bucks worth of stuff online in the past few days.

then i realised that one of the potential buyers whom i thought was gonna confirm her buy already suddenly stopped her replies. so in an act of total desperation, i sent her an email, pleading with her highness to save my poverty-stricken, shopping-addict arse and just buy my damned tops will ya i'll sell them to u cheaper lah.

i'm worried really, and scared. i hope the other two buyers will transfer the dosh to my account asap before i die of a panic attack and starvation, in a hopeless bid to save some cash.

o why o why did i get myself into this mess. me and my obsessive compulsive shopping disorder, and a tendency to spend money before it's even in my pocket. remind me not to apply for a credit card ever, lest i blow 6 gazillion dollars and spend the rest of my life working as a coolie to pay off my gargantuan debts.

:(

me angmoh, you chink

it's official. Ben Affleck is THE American Idiot.

sometimes i'd wish these hollywood stars wouldn't attempt to show off their worthless opinion because it just shows how impossibly myopic and ignorant they are. they should just stick to wat they're good at, which is supposedly acting. but in this day and age whereby useless heiresses or mass murderers are worshipped as celebrities, i guess they're not really good at anything at all.

perhaps it's the American culture. we'd have heard of how shockingly oblivious to the rest of the world these americans are. "singapore? is it in africa?"

o kiss my arse. all u know is how to sing the stars & stripes, chow on supersized mcdonald meals and gyrate to annoying punkrock bands like sum 41 and i'm-so-sexy britney spears.

now back to Affleck. i've watched the interview in question on cable tv twice (if you don't know anything bout it, read the article in Life), and each time i never fail to cringe at wat a neanderthal buffoon he is. not knowing Deng Xiaoping's full name and insulting Taiwan's living conditions is one thing, but the way he presented himself as a irritating my-country-rules-the-world asshole just makes me break out into zoster shingles spontaneously. that half-drunk slur and angmoh arrogance is good proof of why Osama is planning to bomb the whole of US of A.

thank you so very much, america. all thanks to your kaypoh antics, we get political crisis in the middle east, random terrorist attacks and increasing obesity.

**

i shall stop the screw America discussion right here, if not Bill Gates might just get to know of it and exterminate the Microsoft Office software in my computer thru some high-techie shit that i wouldn't have a clue of. that wouldn't be very nice, would it.

all you Ben Affleck fans out there, get a real hobby and worship someone more credible instead, say Johnny Depp (ha ha) or Bono. either a real intelligent being or a star who knows how to shut up. and i hope Colin Powell kicks Affleck's puny white arse real soon. like, assassinate him or somethin.