numb

the kind of blogs that i like to read are not the exceedingly witty ones that poke fun at everyone and everything between heaven and earth; nor the deeply philosophical ones that hardly hint of the blogger's real life persona; and much less the ones that are roll-eye material, with their ever-changing fancies and enthusiasms and explicit descriptions of their daily activities in alternate caps typing.

the ones that really grip me, are those that are genuine in emotions and simple in prose. they tell of the blogger's inner struggles with the people and events in her world - seemingly ordinary but evoking understated empathy from all readers as the plight is easily identifiable with our own personal experiences. and if we're lucky, she might even throw in an occasional juicy bit about a hidden side of her that nobody knew before.

i appreciate sincerity, even in blogging, cos it is difficult to be completely oblivious to the presence of invisible readers who might judge and mock. albeit it is probably easier to be honest as an online persona than openly sharing one's more revealing thoughts in public a la Oprah Winfrey.

simplicity is key, too. sometimes, impressive vocabulary and meticulously-constructed sentences are nothing but clumsy embellishments, which may even shroud the true meaning of the writing and confuse the reader.

**

today shall be spent it total idleness, leisurely reading through my basic theory booklet (of which will be tested this wednesday - how am i going to climb up those stairs), and eagerly awaiting Desperate Housewives at night.

inevitably, i'm burdened with the nagging pain in my foot, and the tightness that renders it almost immobile. someone please reassure me that a spreading bruise is not indicative of a much more serious injury.

sometimes i find it hard to draw the line between having complete faith in God's healing powers (without me having to worry or do anything about it), and being practical and seek medical help instead of waiting around.

tadah! 

L-O-V-E

there you go. an updated pic of my ugly bruise. i wonder if it's actually any better cos now it has since spread all over, turned into a nice shade of honey brown, and is quite quite swollen, which is really disturbing.

thoughts of doomsday like it might be cellulitis or a fractured bone somewhere or compartment syndrome blah blah just fills me grey matter incessantly, especially now that i have nothing else better to do, with my foot propped up and my eyes staring blankly at neuroscience notes. goodness, the imaginative mind of a medical student can be so ridiculous indeed. sometimes i wish i still have the simple faith of an ignoramus and trust that God is healing me every minute.

then again, i'm not complaining cos it is a most blessed time of rest and peace that i get to spend at home alone, surviving on banana walnut bread and oatmeal (rabbit food i know), and doing the revision that i've procrastinated for so long. a considerable amount was accomplished, and i can watch tv at the weirdest times of the day. the sleep is doing me good too.

but i still want to recover quickly and become the swift-footed gazelle that i usually am, and fit into my new heels for Chinese New Year! gahh.

**

lately, jazz has got a hold on me. this is my favorite song at this moment. (the boring things you do when you're stuck at home all day with nothing interesting to blog about - like posting lyrics)


L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore and

Love - is all that i can give to you
Love - is more than just a game for two
Two - in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love - was made for me and you

L-O-V-E by nat king cole

OUCH. 

Macritchie is undoubtedly beautiful, and the walk was fairly pleasant, if not for my very unfortunate tripping over an elusive root on the rocky trail and spraining my foot in the process. (note i said foot and not ankle cos it isn't exactly at the joint). it began with a slight swelling and soon transformed into the ugly nasty bruise u see in the photo as above.

tragedy, u might say.

but i enjoyed meself immensely, as with all other expeditions to the wilderness with my sister. the TreeTop Walk was a spectacular suspension bridge built across the rainforest amidst the treetops (duh) and the view was astounding, at that altitude of about 4-5 storeys high.

u can see some of the pictures below. and please visit my sister's blog for a complete summary of the experience and the pretty pictures we took : hong mei mei's blog

the trail was interesting, to say the least. but i was initially petrified at the thought of having to trek 10 km to and fro in a forested area with nothing but monkeys, insects and trees around me. wat a nightmare, i thought to myself, and gave my best rendition of a Paris Hilton grimace upon having expose her dainty self to the perilous surroundings they call Mother Nature.

but it turned out to be real fun and thank God, i sprained my foot just beside a shelter! and being so-not a quitter, i bore with the annoying pain and trudged up the rest of the trail to reach the Promised Land. which was worth every bit of the effort and pain, really. however, the walking-back bit (all of 5 km?) was horrendous, since the pain had become excruciating by then and i swear i was going to pass out.

it was hard on me sis, cos she felt guilty about my foot since she forgot to warn me, the spoilt City Girl, of the impending dangers in the forest. so i'd like to thank her for her immense care, understanding and patience with me along the way. :)

i reckon that i won't be able to walk properly for the next week or so, and regret at the thought of having to go to school with an aesthetically-unpleasing limp. but Life does go on, and i do look forward to our next mini-adventure in the Hundred Acre Wood.

happy lunar new year, one and all.

lovelay 

us on the bridge 

lush lush greenery and me 

tarzan incarnate

for some reason unknown to Mankind i've allowed myself to be persuaded by me sis to go on a hike in Macritchie Reservoir, all the way to its new TreeTop Walk feature which looks absolutely exciting.

today, Macritchie. tomorrow, the Himalayas.

up, up and away!

these days have been nothing short of crazy/beautiful. delirious obsessions in the day and inexplicably capricious (and nonsensical) dreams a la Alice in Wonderland at night, no wonder i can't focus on the banalities of the Real Life.

perhaps it is sweeter to indulge in fantasy, and most probably the sanest thing to do; especially since Life here in our tiny island is nothing but a depressing monotonous routine of to-do lists. the least thing i can do for myself is to take my imagination to the furthest horizons it can possibly go to, in search for a glimpse of fun and inspiration.

but i won't fancy myself as someone with a keen sense of appreciation for the finer things in Life; in fact, i know very little. and God forbid if i ever think of myself as a tortured soul living in a world that doesn't understand my most sensitive sentiments. (don't we all love to dwell in such melancholy sometimes?)

most certainly, my brain tends to work overtime in conjuring up the most absurd makebelieve images out of the most ordinary everyday events (Ally Mcbeal must have had the same problem). and playing pretend would be my favoritest activity since young. taking on the identity of someone, or something else, is deliciously liberating, to say the least.

literature and theatre have never failed to ignite the spark of interest in me, and i secretly envy those who courageously pursue the path of exploring the depths of these, and marvel at their complex sensibilities. which makes me wonder wat have i been missing out on. they probably view the world in a different (most possibly, of a wondrous clarity) way than i do.

then again, i guess genetics can be like poetry to some people as well. :)

**

after watching Finding Neverland, i mourned wistfully over precious youth lost. how wonderful it'd be if we all never grew up, never grew old, and never grew weary. fairies, dragons and mermaids in Neverland may be nothing more than child's play to many, but who can resist a world without cares?

then the doubts seeped in and i began to question if God has a hand in all these, even in the realms of fantasy and magic. strangely enough, all that i felt in my heart of God at that point in time was that God is nothing but a spoil-sport. that He is one who kills imagination and brings the reality of Heaven and Hell and Salvation in our faces. that none shall escape judgement and death. and nothing is more important than doing the things we must do on earth.

funny how forgetful i can be; or rather, how silly i can get. afterall, God is Love and without Love, such tender emotions and bittersweet melancholy would mean nothing at all, wouldn't they? for He first loved us, so that we can love one another. for He is the promise of hope, eternal life and His angels fill the heavens with glorious praises. for He is the Creator of all things, even the slightest nuances and whimsical thoughts.

He made us creatures of imagination, and breathed life into us so that we can see the world as He sees it - one that is full of color, splendour and miracles. we dream, because He gives the possibility of our dreams coming true.

indeed, we can all be in Neverland, only if we believe.

you are my shining star

"As for now, I have just been presented the opportunity to get the hell out of this frozen nightmare of a city (New York City), to go to Singapore for a couple of months where I hope to gain a little more experience with a great photographer, meet a lot of shiny happy people, take maybe a week to surf some epic grinding left barrels in Bali, and visit family in Thailand that I have not seen since 1988.."

jonjonsson blog

**

that's it. i'm quitting school and stalk Jon Jonsson for the rest of my life.

ganbai

i figured that Life's too short to be pissed/bothered/worried about something or someone for more than a day.

thinking too much hampers growth. perish, thy brain cells.

midas touch

if a fairytale could come true, i hope it'd happen the same way for me as it did for julia roberts in Pretty Woman.

wat an absolutely wonderful show! i wonder why i never caught it before. perhaps julia's gaping mouth put me off for a very long time. but richard gere is a dreamboat alright. :)

i'm tempted by auntie ilynn's suggestion of going to brisbane cos i do like australia so. i remember being in melbourne for a week a few years back and it felt just like home. there's just something about the place that's so irresistible. but it wouldn't be nice if the aussies called me a chingchong tho. i'd smack them with durians in a sec, those hairy angmohs. don mess with chinese man, we know kungfu.

sometimes i feel like a teenager cos of the way School's bothering me so much. then i realise it might not be such a bad thing afterall, cos i get to be a teenager for another 3 years. the later i get to the Working bit, the better.

grimkell

self-declared holiday today, and BOY DO I FEEL GOOD. went to a coupla of places today, all thanks to auntie ilynn's trusty automobile (christened Lucy by yours truly, tho i believe auntie ilynn would choose to ignore me).

let's see. bukit timah boon tong kee, suntec city, esplanade, orchard road, mustafa shopping centre, mount faber. we're quite some troopers eh. not to mention i had my church meeting at bee-yoo-ti-fool macritchie reservoir in the afternoon and that place is stunning can or not. simply epic. makes me wanna trample on daisies and swim with the terrapins in the reservoir but that's another story.

in any case, i'd just like to say that i'm seriously obsessed with mr jon jonsson (SEE BELOW PICTURE) from Manhunt fame. btw for all who are not in the know, Manhunt is the male equivalent of America's Next Top Model (starworld ch 18 tuesdays 10pm). anyway, i'm such a spoiler cos he is actually the winner. he deserves to win anyway, but i digress.

the point is, i think he's simply purrrfect and i do wanna marry him so. in fact, he is single now and i'm off to sunny california, where i'll pick up the art of surfing and surf the high seas with him all day long. the major PLUSPOINT is : he's half thai!

i'm obsessed with anything THAI! especially guys.

o joyful joyful.

YUMMY 

parp!

for some weird reason that even Socrates cannot fathom i haven't been studying as hard as the first semester. no more fervent notes taking, and gone with reading the textbook everyday after school. my time's occupied with the most invisible things and thoughts, and i am so tired perpetually.

watching my sister fret over not having a packed schedule for the next 7 months is most unnerving. i never understood the urgency in these type of people to "do something" lest their restlessness consumes them. i'd kill to have nothing to do right now, and play with mimosa plants all day.

the last 3 things that bemused/puzzled/excited me :

1. seeing a Maserati upclose and fingering it with sheer lust

2. witnessing a Malay man eating bak kut teh right in front of me

3. splurging on a shopping spree with my mother

the last event is particularly eventful and memorable, cos my mom isn't the best shopping partner in the world. normally, she'd walk away with her arms folded in distaste, or throw me a "you-have-such-bad-taste" look that puts me to shame and despair whenever i pick up something from the racks.

ah, but in actual fact my mom just hates the way i hunt for the cheapest bargains and neglect the vital aspect of good quality. and so to my amazement she did not bat an eyelid when i chose the more pricey pieces and even purchased a freakin expensive top (in my opinion) for herself. and she gloated with such delight over it(which is gorgeous by the way), which was highly amusing.

my mom is not a miser afterall. Revelation.

**

having discovered Lush 99.5fm(not a link, ha!) yesterday morning, i've been hooked till now. it is the best thing that happened to me since losing 0.5 kg from all the diarrhea that went on last week.

if you like urban grooves, bossa nova and lounge music with not more than 2 commercials in a row for ur radio listening pleasure, do tune in to Lush 99.5. i'd hate to see such a God-send channel being axed cos most people prefer to listen to trash like insert-lousy-singer-of-choice.

giraffe, the pelly and me

wat a lovely surprise. some anonymous fan of me mom gave her a pair of preview tickets to Finding Neverland and in true blue mommy fashion she gave them to me and my sis.

actually i'm suppressing my inner urges to scream, shout and clap in hysterical manic joy cos Johnny Depp aka the Love of My Life stars in the show. i will remain calm and collected as i look forward in delicious anticipation to next wednesday, when i will fall into the deep abyss of depp's mesmerizing, soulful gaze yet again.

speaking of delicious, i ate a simply divine chocolate eclair last night. light, fluffy, filled with amazing cream and topped with yummy chocolate. and i shan't tell you where it is bought from cos i'm a selfish cupcake as usual.

hairpee birthday auntie ilynn! 21 years old already ho ho ho. i am so not lookin forward to my own 21st.

random thought : i do not like whiny brats for friends.

that's all for now. stay tuned

peanut butter monkeys

i have decided that i will skip a day of school every week to keep meself sane. you know how some people simply thrive on breathing school air, going to school toilets, and eating school canteen food? obviously i am not suited for this kind of hostile environment and i would simply ignite into flames one day if i keep throwing meself into these pits of hell called School.

**

the thing about Birthdays, is that i never really cared much for them.

not that i don't bother to make my frens jolly and hairpee on their birthdays of course, but i just don't think that the Birthday is a very significant event unless it's Sweet Sixteen, Energetic Eighteen, or Tamade Twenty-one (when everything goes downhill thereafter).

i mean seriously, a Birthday can only happen once in a lifetime, and that is the day when one is born of course (Birth-Day, see?). wat is the point of celebrating the same day many years after? in remembrance of how you plopped out covered with blood and mucus and wailing like an ugly old person? (all newborns look like ugly old people). and your mother was probably screaming her lungs out cos she was in so much pain at that. Happy Birthday! indeed.

but if your parents managed to throw fanfare celebrations at that very instant in the surgical theatre, congratulations. but for the rest of us, i guess we missed the boat. too bad.

albeit it is always nice to have a surprise party thrown for you, or receive lovely gifts that day, i still think that Birthdays are overrated. we can do spontaneous stuff to bring some cheer to our dear frens at anytime of the year.

so i guess that's the reason why we celebrate Birthdays and Valentine's Days(useless day). to REMIND ourselves that we shouldn't take this special person for granted today. the other days of the year, we can just pretend he/she don't exist.

personally, my favorite celebration is Lunar New Year. i get tingling sensations up and down me spine when i see bak kwa and abalone commercials on tv. i find myself singing irrepressibly to the cheesy new year songs they blast in supermarkets. dong dong dong ciang!

ooh New Year. the festival of new clothes, food galore, and moolah. now, this is an event we can all celebrate every year, cos it happens every year - for real! not the Birth-Day, obviously. just another excuse to party that's all.

**

on a personal footnote, within the last 24 hours there have been 2 individuals of completely different backgrounds, gender and agenda who asked me the same question :

"do you speak english?"

oh yesh i spleak engrish velly weil indeet. vhy u ask?

BAH. GO AND DIE LA.

not the first time obviously. my rugby coach didn't speak to me for 2 months cos he thought i am taiwanese and since he's a true-blue ACS boy who can count the number of times he spoke chinese in his life with his 10 fingers, he communicated with me thru interpreters (aka my team mates).

imagine the shock on his face when he heard me speak one day, in articulate Queen's English with such crystal clear diction and poetic flair!

and during the first 3 months of jc, this River Valley honky-tonk girl actually asked me if i'm from China. i took one incredulous look at her uniform and tried to hide my evil smirk.

but i have to admit that i really hate conversing in engrish. it's terribly annoying to speak in haltering sentences and break off into a spontaneous chain of cheena words cos my puny brain cannot process me thoughts and translate em into engrish fast enough.

BUT it is okay. i guess i am an ah lian at heart, and since i am from Nanyang Girls, took chinese literature and speaks Mandarin in ten different fluent accents (shandong, hubei, beijing, eskimo etc) i guess it is okay for people to assume that i do not speak a word of engrish.

"can u speak english?" - random human

"apa ini? varnakam!" - Me

blah de boo

correction : the root of all my troubles is School, cos School gives me a bad headache, a bad name, and a bad attitude.

without School, i'll be a peace-loving, easy-going, cheer-giving adorable pumpkin whose face would have nary a trace of sorrow and anxiety.

if i hated School so much, why then did i stay for 14 bloody long years?? u might ask

i guess it's because i have nothing else better to do.

but why am i complaining about School when millions of children out there would give a limb to be in the position that i am in?

hmmm

ah, it is called Human Nature to be discontented and whiny and since i am Human i like to complain. (the fact that i'm also Singaporean is also contributory)

Humans are very troublesome creatures don't you think. we are nothing but restless creatures filling up the soils of this Earth with our pollution and nonsense.

so i guess the root of my troubles is still Humanity afterall.

**

but i still hate School though. as much as i would hate Work in the future, i reckon.

nobody knows

it's funny how we tend to think of God only when things screw up.

tsunami : why God? how could u?

good exam results : yay. luckily i studied so hard.

it's all God's fault when we're struck with bad luck. we fail to thank Him even for the smallest blessings, and even accredit ourselves for them. like we deserve only good things and never the bad stuff.

**

since the root of all troubles is Humanity, sometimes i wish that God will take away my problems.

gonads in strife

after extensive research, i've decided to name my future baby boy Bacillus and baby girl Listeria.

and i've gone completely nutters.

**

the botero exhibition and movie after the ordeal tmr. yay

(brad pitt is unmarried from that beak-nosed creature! finally. a piece of good news evrybody deserves after the whole slew of tragic ones since the start of this new year)

guan tanamera

i don't know why i just printed out that long list of bacteria tables. perhaps it's a delusional way of comforting myself that yes i'm actually doing something to aid my brain in absorbing the impossibly complex microbes and yet another stack of notes to my already immense collection wouldn't hurt a bit.

bah.

**

don't know if anyone of you out there is a xiaxue fan, but i just have to say this : she is so stupid.

that was my secular self speaking, out of pure contempt and self-righteous judgement (which is wrong by the way). but i do believe that she will give up her irrevocably ridiculous and self-centred ways aka believing she deserves the title of Singapore's Most Famous Blogger, and that she is the epitome of beauty and intelligence, given her heavily made up face and incessant rants about her psle score/intelligence quotient and wat not.

(p.s. if you have no idea wat i'm talking about go google xiaxue blog or somethin)

i could go on and on slamming her, but my notes beckon my attention, and my conscience is telling me not to pass superficial judgements on someone's character when i don't even know her personally.

all i can say is that she should never believe that she has hordes of fanatic supporters out there who laud her every move, including blogging about the most sensitive topics like religion without considering the backlash. or just plain boasting about her supposed capabilities ("my psle score is 269 leh!"). because it is the WEBSPACE after all, and the pedestal that u're standing on, dear xiaxue, is about as solid and steadfast like a castle built on clouds. Fame today, gone tomorrow.

people like to think they're being taken seriously for everything they say on their blogs, because of supporters' comments like "oh you're so wonderful! you're so right!" but they forget that they're really ordinary narcissistic folks (like you and me) craving for a personal stage to showcase their so-called amazing talents. or that's wat their adoring parents/friends/dogs tell them anyway. and the blog happens to be the perfect outlet to do so, because if you try to force ur two cents worth of opinions down strangers' throats in real life, they'd sock ur face in a sec.

everyone who's anyone can be a celebrity blogger, even if he/she is nothing but a lifeless hermit with the personality of a silverfish and screws caps on toothpaste tubes for a living. all you need is to be PROVOCATIVE.

afterall, Controversy is the modern antidote to writer's block and stagnation of good literature churn-out of the millenium. (offense is the new defense)

if there's one lesson i've learnt thru blogging, it's not to go overboard with wat you truly think. even if you happen to think that Man really evolved from pigs and not monkeys, you must never tell others about it. it's called courtesy. yes, even in freedom of speech, there is a certain level of etiquette that needs to be followed. talking trash about anything you feel like talking about is just a flamin testament of immaturity.

(and that's why that foolish taiwan diplomat got into deep shit for calling Singapore "nothing but a piece of pee sai". you get my drift. nobody really says the truth these days.)

**

okay wat the hell am i still doing here! cardiovascular pathology here i come! BAH.

a rather silly and insipid entry

i think charlize theron is easily the most beautiful woman around. (my other fave is cate blanchett). and i also believe most asian guys prefer the sweet simpering female types instead of strong classy ladies such as the two above mentioned. well in any case, the next person who tells me britney spears or hillary duff is chio is going to get a good hard whack on his ass-swiped face.

oops pardon my language.

**

oatmeal gets ur bowels speedin like a well-oiled automobile! so all u constipated beings out there (like me), start ur mornings with a nice steaming bowl of Quaker Oats and ur malady will never plague u again. i will testify to that.

**

channel 5 actually showed the making of edward scissorhands just now. the good stuff they play when evryone's out in school/work. bah.

but never mind, i got to watch my johnny depp and tim burton, not to mention edward scissorhands being my fave movie as well (charlie and the chocolate factory come july 2005!). ooh such a lovely day hey hey. no mugging today. can't wait for next monday to be over and i can be a free bird again.

**

i want to view the Botero exhibition at S.A.M but up till now, noone's really interested in appreciating paintings of obscenely obese creatures with me. ah it's okay, i shall troop down there on me own and indulge in cheese cake after that. tee hee. at least the famous artist appreciates a full appetite and full figures.

**

the weird names parents give their offspring nowadays. the strangest moniker i've heard so far : Ecclesiastes Forrest (insert-boring-chinese-name)

?!!?!

and i thought pennylane wanting to name her daughter Elephant was bizarre enough.

smells like funk

it's so cold, i don't think i'll take a shower today.

**

these days there's nothing much else to do but to ponder and attempt to study bacteria. pondering about why the tsunami happened, and God's plan behind this. the conclusion is that it's silly to question God about such things, because even if He gave me the answer my puny human brain would never be able to comprehend the entire picture. i didn't make the world in 7 days after all.

the people who perished will not die in vain, hopefully. the tragedy serves as a major wake-up call, to open our eyes to what we have and cherish them, cliche as it sounds. it'd be terrible if we continue to focus on all the superfluous things that clutter our minds and divert our attention away from wat's really important.

then again, time's a funny thing. it seems that mankind never fails to get back into the vicious cycle of squandering our time away on useless and self-centred activities a few months (or years) after a catastrophe has struck. forgetfulness is our forte, so it seems.

**

so i'm cooped up at home in my ratty grey sweater and teddy bear slippers, with the relentless rain beating down out there (i want my sunshine), waiting for my mom to buy dinner back.

in an ideal world, i'd be joining a relief team with all fervency and fly to aceh to offer my medical services. but the reality bites, and the truth is i haven't started revision for my pathology test next monday and am still an unqualified medical professional-to-be who still can't remember the names of the bones of the toe.

bah.

on a lighter note, i've finally submitted my bbdc form for basic theory course. i'm a late bloomer wat can i say. (still waiting for my boobies to grow) and now i have to book classes. why so troublesome one.