admittedly i was never the sort of person who'd pay much attention to the details in Life. more often than not, the big picture would be looming in me head and all i can perceive is the entirety of things, and solely focus on the main concept. meticulousness is clearly not my forte, hence the neverending complaints of momma towards the cleanliness of my room.

why did i end up studying medicine then? when the job scope requires the uncanny ability to memorise alien-sounding terms and nittygritty facts & figures of exotic diseases and watnot. i wonder how can i survive when all i can see is whether the patient is doing well in the general sense or not. God help me that i will not forget stuff when i study emergency medicine, lest the lawyers come chasing after me head.

also, i wonder why i never got down to setting certain things right. for example, my crooked teeth. why didn't i get braces? and now extreme makeover successes with shining white veneers taunt me to no end. why did i quit swimming lessons? hence i only know how to swim the breaststroke. and my longneglected driving lessons. why haven't i called up the driving instructor? and i still have to take 2 buses to get to church when i can easily drive there (if i could) in 15 mins.

you know, the stuff that are not lifechanging decisions yet which are absolutely important - but all i did was to fancy the notions of starting on these projects transiently and soon moved on quickly. when the entire world was getting down to doing such things i was still somewhere in oompa loompa land doing God knows what.

i seem to live by a just-cannot-be-bothered attitude since diaper days. like momma would plonk me (when i was a baby) on a chair whilst she does the laundry , and hours later she'd find me still sitting there, playing with my fingers or something.

guess i'm just a very lazy kid.

so it puzzles me why my friends describe me as a go-getter who is focussed on getting what i want in Life in friendster testimonials. perhaps i set goals in my unconscious being, and attain them unwittingly. but truth to be told, i was never a conscious planner with kickass determination to boot. like those rafflesian-type of people who probably laid down the milestones to be achieved in their lifetimes when they were still in primary one.

so what drives me? and how did i get to where i am now?

such is the mystery of God's grace.