grandiosity of it all
love gained, love lost. after witnessing uncountable breakups and hookups within my social circle, and personally having tasted 'love' and unrequited 'love', i've come to realise how important it is to consider carefully and weigh all consequences before jumping into the mass movement Love Parade of the world today.
people get into relationships for a whole slew of varying reasons. loneliness, insecurities, boredom, curiosity, peer pressure. I Love Yous rolling off the tongues. the big hoo-ha on Valentine's Day. Mushy SMS texts. all evidence of how much people are 'in love' with their partners.
but seriously, wat is love? and wat do we do about it when it comes along?
proceeding this sentence would be my personal take on the whole affair and u have the right to maintain ur stance on this. it is a social commentary and not a judgement on any one of you happily-in-love types out there.
**
perfect love casts out all fears.
personally i do feel that the whole Love Hurts proclamation is a fallacy in itself. why should love be painful? why should giving be seen as a form of sacrifice and sweet suffering? this is very strange to me. Love should equate to Joy and Security in all circumstances. Love should not entail any form of rejection, neglect, selfishness, uncertainty or unequal distribution of resources.
the reason why people see pain as part of the whole package is, in my opinion, that they don't realise that they weren't meant to suffer together in the union of two. sure, it is all about giving in, tolerance and accommodation. but it shouldn't suck you dry and hollow at the end.
Giving should be a joyous thing all the time. the source of strength to give is from the fact that the giver lacks nothing emotionally and is secure in who she/he is. giving is a choice, not a mandate. and giving should be out wat you have, and not beyond wat you can offer. giving should build the other person up, while not losing a part of youself in the process.
most of the time giving becomes painful because it is either unrequited or unfruitful. when it becomes tiring to give, and one struggles with it.
essentially it is a matter of how ready is one to give, and whether the right deserving person has come along.
both would stem from the motive of beginning the relationship. albeit the idea of sharing a special bond and chemistry is highly enticing and seems like it's nothing wrong, but the consequences of a rash decision are traumatizing. most people make the mistake of going beyond a platonic friendship too quickly because it 'felt just right' and 'wat can i lose by having a gf/bf now?'
indeed, you will lose a-plenty. for wat is left in the end is an indicator of how it started in the first place.
the loss is even greater when the relationship wasn't how u imagined it to be, for example a lack of effective communication/sharing of thoughts/deep mutual understanding. an imbalance of who's giving and who's not. misunderstandings, possessiveness, disappointment. all these would surface after the so-called 'honey-moon period', which would effectively last for at most 1 year. afterwhich there would be more quarrels than sweet nothings and tears than smiles.
my point is, it is important to guard your heart before giving Love a shot. emotions are deceptive, because they shroud ur better judgment and rational thinking. if u believe that Love is illogical and should just 'go with the flow', then i hope u'll be able to stay 'illogical' thruout the entire period because eventually ur mind will start pointing out to u the inadequacies of the entire affair, and you'll start getting upset for no logical reason.
objectivity is probably the hardest damned thing to practise when it comes to matters of the heart. but it is the single most vital key to choosing the right person to give ur heart to. if ur heart screams YES, and your mind screams NO, perhaps it is better to pause, stop and think properly before making a decision. because once emotions are given, they cannot be taken back. and withdrawing from the emotional bond is harder than wat most people think.
a relationship is meant as an union of two equals in terms of maturity, character and self-sufficiency. then the two partners can complement, build and support each other with mutual respect for each other's identity as a whole person. it is not about two halves coming to become one. because it is impossible for a half to make the other a whole.
hence before saying 'i do' to the person whom ur heart aches with such sweet longing for, think about how 'whole' you are as an individual. wat you would expect out of this relationship. and assess realistically how much you are willing to give. because Love is an all-or-none response, and there is no looking back once you're in it.
so love yourself first. if you do not love yourself enough, then chances are there is no way that ur bf/gf will be able to love you as much as you would need.
**
kudos if you actually read the entire piece above. i've become a very lor-sor grandmama thesis spinning kind of writer these days. but i enjoy being verbose and preachy once in a while all the same. :)
people get into relationships for a whole slew of varying reasons. loneliness, insecurities, boredom, curiosity, peer pressure. I Love Yous rolling off the tongues. the big hoo-ha on Valentine's Day. Mushy SMS texts. all evidence of how much people are 'in love' with their partners.
but seriously, wat is love? and wat do we do about it when it comes along?
proceeding this sentence would be my personal take on the whole affair and u have the right to maintain ur stance on this. it is a social commentary and not a judgement on any one of you happily-in-love types out there.
**
perfect love casts out all fears.
personally i do feel that the whole Love Hurts proclamation is a fallacy in itself. why should love be painful? why should giving be seen as a form of sacrifice and sweet suffering? this is very strange to me. Love should equate to Joy and Security in all circumstances. Love should not entail any form of rejection, neglect, selfishness, uncertainty or unequal distribution of resources.
the reason why people see pain as part of the whole package is, in my opinion, that they don't realise that they weren't meant to suffer together in the union of two. sure, it is all about giving in, tolerance and accommodation. but it shouldn't suck you dry and hollow at the end.
Giving should be a joyous thing all the time. the source of strength to give is from the fact that the giver lacks nothing emotionally and is secure in who she/he is. giving is a choice, not a mandate. and giving should be out wat you have, and not beyond wat you can offer. giving should build the other person up, while not losing a part of youself in the process.
most of the time giving becomes painful because it is either unrequited or unfruitful. when it becomes tiring to give, and one struggles with it.
essentially it is a matter of how ready is one to give, and whether the right deserving person has come along.
both would stem from the motive of beginning the relationship. albeit the idea of sharing a special bond and chemistry is highly enticing and seems like it's nothing wrong, but the consequences of a rash decision are traumatizing. most people make the mistake of going beyond a platonic friendship too quickly because it 'felt just right' and 'wat can i lose by having a gf/bf now?'
indeed, you will lose a-plenty. for wat is left in the end is an indicator of how it started in the first place.
the loss is even greater when the relationship wasn't how u imagined it to be, for example a lack of effective communication/sharing of thoughts/deep mutual understanding. an imbalance of who's giving and who's not. misunderstandings, possessiveness, disappointment. all these would surface after the so-called 'honey-moon period', which would effectively last for at most 1 year. afterwhich there would be more quarrels than sweet nothings and tears than smiles.
my point is, it is important to guard your heart before giving Love a shot. emotions are deceptive, because they shroud ur better judgment and rational thinking. if u believe that Love is illogical and should just 'go with the flow', then i hope u'll be able to stay 'illogical' thruout the entire period because eventually ur mind will start pointing out to u the inadequacies of the entire affair, and you'll start getting upset for no logical reason.
objectivity is probably the hardest damned thing to practise when it comes to matters of the heart. but it is the single most vital key to choosing the right person to give ur heart to. if ur heart screams YES, and your mind screams NO, perhaps it is better to pause, stop and think properly before making a decision. because once emotions are given, they cannot be taken back. and withdrawing from the emotional bond is harder than wat most people think.
a relationship is meant as an union of two equals in terms of maturity, character and self-sufficiency. then the two partners can complement, build and support each other with mutual respect for each other's identity as a whole person. it is not about two halves coming to become one. because it is impossible for a half to make the other a whole.
hence before saying 'i do' to the person whom ur heart aches with such sweet longing for, think about how 'whole' you are as an individual. wat you would expect out of this relationship. and assess realistically how much you are willing to give. because Love is an all-or-none response, and there is no looking back once you're in it.
so love yourself first. if you do not love yourself enough, then chances are there is no way that ur bf/gf will be able to love you as much as you would need.
**
kudos if you actually read the entire piece above. i've become a very lor-sor grandmama thesis spinning kind of writer these days. but i enjoy being verbose and preachy once in a while all the same. :)
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