incoherence without a care
i am so insanely tired right now i can't even lift my finger to change channels on my remote control.
**
what am i chasing after. why am i doing all these for. who is going to be responsible for my choices. where will i be if i decide to take charge of my own life.
rhetorical questions, really. they all point to the ageold, eternal, never-to-be-answered dilemma of Life itself : wat is the bloody point.
**
i wish they'd give me more of a chance to decide for myself. hate the impending sense of doom when the tests roll around the corner (which i don't give a flying fish about cos they don't mean anything at all to me), and i'm stranded with tonnes of mysterious stuff to pore thru, and even more new ones to come the very next day. it's like, my fate is sealed by strangers who are so inconsequential before i could even do anything about it.
or maybe, i could do something bout it. like, run away to join a circus. quit all these nonsense and be a dolphin trainer. spend more time with myself and just dream of big and preposterous dreams.
sounds like excuses, i know. but who wouldn't like to have a real passion, just for once and for real. something that i could do over and over again and i wouldn't get sick of it. then perhaps then i'd never ever lament about my so-called pathetic entrapment in a meaningless existence, and be oh-so-guilty about it cos i'm supposed to be secure in my destiny in God and know He has planned out my future for me already.
but i don't trust myself not to complain. cos the grass is always greener on the other side, or so they say. too much to lose, i suppose. (supposed, indeed)
**
i do believe in His promise of "a hope and future", just that i can't accept it now being shoved into my face, no explanations given.
i am sick of having to be responsible to non-believers by wat i say and do. negative things that aren't exactly Christ-like. and ignorami who think that christians are not supposed to have any struggles like every other miserable human being on this earth, and should constantly be under public scrutiny regarding their attitude and all.
**
i know happiness is an elusive concept. and true joy is really found within.
but everyone's got their individual portion of optimism, and mine stops right here.
**
what am i chasing after. why am i doing all these for. who is going to be responsible for my choices. where will i be if i decide to take charge of my own life.
rhetorical questions, really. they all point to the ageold, eternal, never-to-be-answered dilemma of Life itself : wat is the bloody point.
**
i wish they'd give me more of a chance to decide for myself. hate the impending sense of doom when the tests roll around the corner (which i don't give a flying fish about cos they don't mean anything at all to me), and i'm stranded with tonnes of mysterious stuff to pore thru, and even more new ones to come the very next day. it's like, my fate is sealed by strangers who are so inconsequential before i could even do anything about it.
or maybe, i could do something bout it. like, run away to join a circus. quit all these nonsense and be a dolphin trainer. spend more time with myself and just dream of big and preposterous dreams.
sounds like excuses, i know. but who wouldn't like to have a real passion, just for once and for real. something that i could do over and over again and i wouldn't get sick of it. then perhaps then i'd never ever lament about my so-called pathetic entrapment in a meaningless existence, and be oh-so-guilty about it cos i'm supposed to be secure in my destiny in God and know He has planned out my future for me already.
but i don't trust myself not to complain. cos the grass is always greener on the other side, or so they say. too much to lose, i suppose. (supposed, indeed)
**
i do believe in His promise of "a hope and future", just that i can't accept it now being shoved into my face, no explanations given.
i am sick of having to be responsible to non-believers by wat i say and do. negative things that aren't exactly Christ-like. and ignorami who think that christians are not supposed to have any struggles like every other miserable human being on this earth, and should constantly be under public scrutiny regarding their attitude and all.
**
i know happiness is an elusive concept. and true joy is really found within.
but everyone's got their individual portion of optimism, and mine stops right here.
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