hands to heaven
i've always had a problem with cussing. and it's getting worse by the day. doesn't help when my conscience is duly pricked by a most wonderful and innocent girl (i'm not being sarcastic. i really appreciate her) who sits next to me and is subjected to the blasphemy pouring forth from my stinker of a mouth. honestly, i feel terrible. but it feels so damn natural. i say it without giving a second thought for even a split millisecond.
maybe it's cos i'm beginning to hate school already. how mature of me, innit. to be repulsed at the thought of having to sit thru hours of extremely boring lectures and facing people i don't really like.
come to think of it, i have no bloody idea why i develop such animosity towards certain people so easily. in fact, my motto in the socializing arena used to be 'u're an asshole unless proven otherwise'. the situation's much better now, and i'm trying not to judge people. cos that's horridly childish, pointless and unprofessional.
but somehow, breeding hatred seems to be the most perfect and easiest way to build up my personal defence system. an ammunition of some kind. (hail Mindy the impregnable fortress! aka the Ice-cold Bitch) but it shouldn't be this way at all. it's completely illogical. if u know me better i'm such a friendly being. can't explain for the way i am, but most certainly am tryin my darndest best to cease irresponbile slanderous insults bout those who get on my nerves. the key word is TRYING.
**
i hate school. i really do. it's not so much of the lessons cos they're actually interesting and i'm quite alright in my revision schedule. but the insecurities are creepin up on me again. i still don't quite feel that i belong. can't fit in. but it's not like i yearn to have a posse behind me while we sashay into the canteen en masse. no, it's not like that.
perhaps i've always been a lone ranger. i was the only one from my pri sch class to go to nanyang. the only one from my sec sch class to go to national jc. the one of the only two who went to medicine in nus from my jc class.
so looks like i've a tendency to avoid the strength-in-numbers game. don't like being in a mainstream clique at all. it's so american high-school. why can't evryone just mix around and be floaters?
yes yes mindy stop being so idealistic and work on being more sociable. u're just becoming a world-weary, self-piteous whiner!
**
God i need some time alone to get over this.
maybe it's cos i'm beginning to hate school already. how mature of me, innit. to be repulsed at the thought of having to sit thru hours of extremely boring lectures and facing people i don't really like.
come to think of it, i have no bloody idea why i develop such animosity towards certain people so easily. in fact, my motto in the socializing arena used to be 'u're an asshole unless proven otherwise'. the situation's much better now, and i'm trying not to judge people. cos that's horridly childish, pointless and unprofessional.
but somehow, breeding hatred seems to be the most perfect and easiest way to build up my personal defence system. an ammunition of some kind. (hail Mindy the impregnable fortress! aka the Ice-cold Bitch) but it shouldn't be this way at all. it's completely illogical. if u know me better i'm such a friendly being. can't explain for the way i am, but most certainly am tryin my darndest best to cease irresponbile slanderous insults bout those who get on my nerves. the key word is TRYING.
**
i hate school. i really do. it's not so much of the lessons cos they're actually interesting and i'm quite alright in my revision schedule. but the insecurities are creepin up on me again. i still don't quite feel that i belong. can't fit in. but it's not like i yearn to have a posse behind me while we sashay into the canteen en masse. no, it's not like that.
perhaps i've always been a lone ranger. i was the only one from my pri sch class to go to nanyang. the only one from my sec sch class to go to national jc. the one of the only two who went to medicine in nus from my jc class.
so looks like i've a tendency to avoid the strength-in-numbers game. don't like being in a mainstream clique at all. it's so american high-school. why can't evryone just mix around and be floaters?
yes yes mindy stop being so idealistic and work on being more sociable. u're just becoming a world-weary, self-piteous whiner!
**
God i need some time alone to get over this.
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